I’ve been a big girl since I was 7 years old. Started on diets when I was 10. They didn’t work for me because I wasn’t okay with myself and I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of every roll every inch every curve of my body. My family, though they mean well, has played a big part in me being ashamed of how I look. I know they love me and just want the best for me so I can’t blame them for anything. No I’m not blaming anyone for how I look because I’m the one who put the food in my mouth, I’m the one who sat down. I take full responsibility for this. “for this” saying it like it’s some life crushing disease thats going to make everything horrible and make my life worth less. ugh i’m even doing it to myself, pathetic. My mother always said I was a beautiful girl, with a beautiful face and spirit, but then she’d ask me…don’t you want people to see that? Well I thought that by being a good person they would? But I see that a lot of people can’t get passed the way I look, including people in my family. “You’d be gorgeous if you would just lose some weight” “don’t you care about yourself enough to do something?” I am doing something, I’m starting with not hating myself. Hating myself isn’t going to make my body magically change, it isn’t going to help me in anyway. I’m learning everyday that I am beautiful, that I am worth being here and that I am more than the fat that hangs off of me. I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m something to be pittied, I don’t want it so you can go on and keep it for yourself. I can honestly say I love myself and my body, I am working on a healthier everything and that should be what matters to people, not the way I look in clothing. this rant is over, I just needed to say a few things.